Key Takeaways
- The Quran links worship of Allah with kindness to parents, and tells us not to say even "uff" to them in old age (Quran 17:23).
- It teaches a dua for them: "My Lord, have mercy upon them as they brought me up [when I was] small" (Quran 17:24).
- In Sahih al-Bukhari (5971), the Prophet Muhammad ﷺ named the mother three times, then the father, as those most deserving of good companionship.
- Kindness includes speech, patience, time, and practical help, not only obedience.
- Children learn this best by seeing how adults treat their own parents.
The Quran connects worship of Allah with kindness to parents, and it sets a very high standard: not even a sound of impatience. An authentic hadith stresses the mother's right three times before the father's.
What the Quran Says
"Whether one or both of them reach old age [while] with you, say not to them [so much as], 'uff,' and do not repel them but speak to them a noble word" (Quran 17:23, Sahih International). The next verse adds, "And lower to them the wing of humility out of mercy and say, 'My Lord, have mercy upon them as they brought me up [when I was] small'" (Quran 17:24, Sahih International). Together they cover speech, humility, and dua.
The Hadith on the Mother
A man asked the Prophet Muhammad ﷺ who was most deserving of his good companionship. The Prophet ﷺ said, "Your mother." The man asked who was next, and he said, "Your mother." He asked a third time, and the answer was "Your mother." The man asked a fourth time, and the Prophet ﷺ said, "Your father" (Sahih al-Bukhari 5971).
What Kindness Looks Like
- Gentle speech, especially when they are old or unwell.
- Patience, even when they repeat themselves or forget.
- Time, through visits, calls, and listening.
- Practical help, with health, errands, and daily needs.
- Dua, using the words from Quran 17:24.
Limits and Hard Situations
Scholars explain that obedience to parents does not extend to disobeying Allah. In hard situations, such as conflict, illness, or a difficult family history, it is wise to speak to your local imam about your particular circumstances.
Teaching Children
Children learn most from watching. Let them see how you speak to your own parents, and teach them the dua in Quran 17:24. Our Islamic Studies course covers manners like these, and our Quran classes for kids teach children the verses with their meaning. A free trial lesson is a simple place to start.